Life

Hi all,I did good until yesterday and I fell apart. Am i ashamed not at all the past few months have taken more of a toll on me then i thought. I sit in our truck at the hospital last night and cry ed my eye's out, my life has not been easy. I am from a family of 9 kids by the time i was 10 my parents didn't care about me so my sister took me in and raised me. I thank God i had her. I married my child hood sweetheart had 2 miscarriages and finally got a bouncing 10 lb baby boy, when he was 3 months old his daddy was killed in a car wreck. I then married a real jerk who beat the crap out of me every other day until i finally got the guts to leave him. I swore i would never have another man in my life out of no where came the most gentle caring man, we married after only knowing each other 3 weeks and it has lasted 22 yrs this July. I got to thinking last night i dont have many talents, I can't sew, I can't craft, heck I cant even swim but I can take care of the people who really need me, I really think God has given me this gift. I am raising grand kids, and now I am taking care of a very sick husband on Dec 1st 2008 I really lost my best friend,husband and the rock i have always been able to lean on. I never even had a clue what a stroke could do to someone until now. i thought the first stroke was bad the one he had last Friday was alot worse it hit him on his left side, he can barley stand and that's with someone helping him, he slurs his speech, his left arm droops when he lays it on something, his left leg drags when he walks, but threw it all he has not lost his sweetness. I look at his once bright shining baby blue eyes and now they are dull. He is very confused but I help him threw it.
We have a love that is way beyond words I know this in my heart. I am now his rock to lean on, and will be until the good lord decides to take him. My family thinks I should place him in a nursing home there is no way,no way.Let me repeat no way I will ever do this as long as i have breathe in my body. We will some how get threw this. We have always been a team, have done everything together people have said to me how do you hang out with your husband all the time.....plain and simple I love him.I have decided to take all the good times we have shared and place them straight to the heart this will help me get threw the bad days ahead and I know there will be many.The grand kids have been amazing
they build papa a ramp, they cleaned the whole house for me last night, they were right here today waiting to get pops as they call him inside. They all told me they will help me take care of pops. They also said they will be very sad if something happens to there pops, I try ed to explain it to them that this is no longer in our hands it's in Gods hands and that we will make it threw no matter the out come. I realized even the strongest person can get weak but I had my moment and it felt OK to cry,OK to be afraid of the months that's coming our way. I am now Donnie's rock as he has always been mine we are just changing positions that's all. And together we will find our way!